Before I had children I would often hear other parents joke about sleep and the lack of it - I never took it in really and thought they were being dramatic. It is amazing how quickly tides change and you become that person - feeling so tired that you no longer functioning like a normal human being but more like a zombie unable to do the most straightforward every day tasks. Like remembering what a person has just said to you in a conversation so you pretend that you know and do that funny nod and shake,frown scrunch lip thing that you hope will agree/disagee/sympathise and show that you fully understand what has been said. Anyway I digress. The reason for this post is the way in which every weekend my husband and l have a 'battle of the lie in' - a cross between, Tennis, Rugby and a parliamentary debate although there are no balls involved. It starts when our dd enters our room often anywhere between 5am to 6.30am - full of beans and ready for the day. There are two tactics here - my husbands is to 'play dead' (yes like a dog) and even when she has bounced sang oh l do like to be beside the seaside at full volume and managed to walk on everyones squishy bits that make you automatically flinch he is STILL apparently asleep. I like to take the upper hand and start a conversation "did you sleep ok sweetie" to which lm prompty replied "can you hold my bogie/l want your pillow etc" - point clearly won by me - l am the engaging parent. As my husband 'stirs from his slumber' l ask if he has slept ok. "Urmm ok l woke when you fed Austin." Hmmm "Thats amazing" l reply "As you were awake AND snoring when l fed Austin" l'm on a roll here: 30-love. Next l do the unthinkable and go embarrassingly low in tactics to 'talk through child' at my husband. It goes something like this... Ava - "mummy can l have a boiled egg" me- "yes sweetie Daddy is great at making boiled eggs and making mummy a cup of tea in bed" this switches on a l must tell Daddy this button in Ava. She jumps onto him and prompty repeats at a loud volume until he responds "Daddy, you need to make my boiled egg and mummys tea" in a sweet yet dictator like Starlin tone that only a two year old has command of. I clearly am on the home straight here now just one last comment to victory "it's amazing how hungry and thirsty you get when you breastfeed at night" - yes l have WON!!! Husband drags himself out of bed and reaches for his dressing gown - "come on then Ava let's go and make the breakfast."
Note to reader: l do love my husband and in the interests of animal welfare l do let him lie in at times.
